Everyone has their own style of love story. Some write a sweet, heartwarming, and pure one. Some other write tragic, full of tears kind of drama. Some more choose a passionate and roller coaster type. I happen to be the latter. Not that I am a suspense fan, it’s just this wrecked mind of mine won’t let me have some normal love story like any other women in their 20’s.
To be honest, I wish I had a pure and sweet one, but having a corrupted character, it’s impossible to come true. One thing that I regret, I happened to spoil my loved one with my depraved soul as a consequence. Because you know, when you’re being together for a long time with someone, part of you will become part of him, and otherwise.
Is he sorry for the changing on himself? I don’t know, but I am. I feel like a villain that have defiled a male protagonist. I never saw it’s coming. I always wish to change myself. I do, really. It’s just when you realize that you are born with a dark heart, it becomes too hard to change the origin. There are too many things you can’t control.
What I hope sincerely from the bottom of my heart, is for this relationship won’t drag any of us down deeper than it already has. I’m afraid to be the reason why both of us will become a doomed pair in the future. At least, if us being together isn’t meant for some greater good, I hope it won’t harm him in any ways.
Just like God says in Surah An-Nur:26, “Good women are for good men, and good men are for good women.”
I want our meeting as a good couple, meant for each other.
Maybe it’s too much to be asked considering my state of mind and knowledge. But I still hope that it’s not too late to start changing the way us now. I do wish both of us to be united in light of hidayah. If not today, I hope it is for tomorrow. Amen.