My Kind of Love Story

Everyone has their own style of love story. Some write a sweet, heartwarming, and pure one. Some other write tragic, full of tears kind of drama. Some more choose a passionate and roller coaster type. I happen to be the latter. Not that I am a suspense fan, it’s just this wrecked mind of mine won’t let me have some normal love story like any other women in their 20’s.

To be honest, I wish I had a pure and sweet one, but having a corrupted character, it’s impossible to come true. One thing that I regret, I happened to spoil my loved one with my depraved soul as a consequence. Because you know, when you’re being together for a long time with someone, part of you will become part of him, and otherwise.

Is he sorry for the changing on himself? I don’t know, but I am. I feel like a villain that have defiled a male protagonist. I never saw it’s coming. I always wish to change myself. I do, really. It’s just when you realize that you are born with a dark heart, it becomes too hard to change the origin. There are too many things you can’t control.

What I hope sincerely from the bottom of  my heart, is for this relationship won’t drag any of us down deeper than it already has. I’m afraid to be the reason why both of us will become a doomed pair in the future. At least, if us being together isn’t meant for some greater good, I hope it won’t harm him in any ways.

Just like God says in Surah An-Nur:26, “Good women are for good men, and good men are for good women.”

I want our meeting as a good couple, meant for each other.

Maybe it’s too much to be asked considering my state of mind and knowledge. But I still hope that it’s not too late to start changing the way us now. I do wish both of us to be united in light of hidayah. If not today, I hope it is for tomorrow. Amen.

Relationship Phases: From Being Stranger To Be A Stranger Again

Relationship Phases: From Being Stranger To Be A Stranger Again


Every human relationship in this world is started by being a stranger to each other. As an encounter leads to another encounter, a stranger changes its status into another form. The status changes as time passes and so many words and gestures are exchanged. But sadly, for one reason and another, the relationship which started from being stranger will slowly return to its initial form. This is a story about two persons who experienced the relationship which starts from being a stranger to be a stranger again. Read more

When The Loneliness Strikes In

When The Loneliness Strikes In

LonelinessEveryone, at some point in their life will experience the moment when they have nobody beside them. No shoulders to rest on, no arms to be embraced with. Desperation and sadness sometimes are mixing in condition of being alone, because some people can’t handle the feeling of loneliness. When they give up on themselves, the loneliness will slowly crush them from the inside.

Even so, that doesn’t mean the loneliness has no meanings. When you are truly alone, it will be the moment when you’ll be really appreciate the pleasure of companion. When you have no one to rely upon, you’ll learn how to stand up on your own feet. Being alone will teach you many things and it will help you dive deeper into yourself.

Standing alone in a crowd, will make you realize things you won’t notice when you’re with someone. You’ll be able to hear the earth singing, and the desperation of each human who’s living on it. Being alone isn’t necessarily a bad thing if Read more

Some Twists in My Story

Some Twists in My Story

Life never lets me even taken a single breath lately. My head has been spinning around and the pace wont seem to be slower anytime soon. I never live my life as a drama queen, nor my life is anything drama-like. But, it didn’t appear that way this couple months.

I even feel that my story has so much twists that worth getting a TV Adaptation. haha

Well, in these past months,

I lost my job,

I lost some of my friends.

As if those aren’t enough, Read more

Matchbox Twenty – Bent

Matchbox Twenty – Bent

“Can you help me? I’m bent
I’m so scared that I’ll never
Get put back together
Keep breaking me in
And this is how we will end (how we will end)
With you and me ending, without understanding”

It’s an old song who’s performed by my favorite band, which I often listened when I was in junior high. I just love the vocalist’s voice and their music. Though, I don’t hear any hits from them anymore, this particular song still echoes in heart, especially at this time where I can relate well.

If you never heard this song before, try listening it. It’s really a nice song that full of emotions. The song tells the desperation of ‘him’ whose relationship is already on the edge but still wants to fix it, even though both of parties are already broken enough.  He’s tired but still wants to work it out somehow, but she just didn’t show an understanding and thinks he’s too needy. It’s kind of sad situation, where the other party just don’t want to listen and try to see how he’s trying his best to match her expectation.

But, the song is more than a sad love song. It’s giving a strong vibe and emotion about a man who knew his relationship is beyond repaired yet still trying to fix it. The desperation and the deep love are conveyed through the beginning till the ending. He’s kind of saying “Both of us are broken, why not being broken together then”. It’s really touching, for me.

Here is the full lyric: Read more

A Letter to God

A Letter to God

*Just  thoughts crossing my mind after hearing about those poor Rohingya People*

burma rohingya Dear God,

I cant help but think that my kind–Human– is a spiteful creature. The only being that capable of killing and hurting his own kin just because some stupid arguments or silly differences or even when they think their God told them to.

They can’t stand for those who don’t wear the same skin color as them and hating the others who walk different path than theirs. Having lust and greedy for power and ready to fight till death for those.

God, Why did You create us? Why did You put us in this beautiful planet just for us to corrupt and destroy? I have this same question as Angels asked when God first created Adam.

Why such a creature that write humanity based on bloody wars and selfish desires? Why are we here my Allah? To serve You? Or just as entertainment to ease Your boredom in Your eternal time? Looking Your creation make war after war for their petty ego? Is that it, I wonder, God.

You created rules for men to follow. You know that most of them won’t follow order even so You made them. Why? Some of us do praying and well behaved while some other making their own rules or interpret Your Will in form of destruction.

You know, right? You see and You just see. Why God? Why let this society, this creature You made, fall deep and deeper into darkness without doing nothing? Are You really do nothing God? Or am I too blind to see?

People stand ignorant in front of others pains and tears. Mothers no longer protect their own children. Fathers no longer provide the safety for their family. Brothers kill brothers. Leaders only cares how to make their chair pretty and shiny. Everyone does as they’re pleased. Rules stay as words in pieces of paper.

This sick situation, is this what humanity called for? Ya Rabb, I want to believe that we are created for greater and better purpose. Let us find all that purpose in depth of our hearts. In the name of Your Mercy, please save the humanity.

[Relationship Tips] How to avoid third-parties shatter your relationship

[Relationship Tips] How to avoid third-parties shatter your relationship

Well, because the only post I wrote which keep getting hits all the time is the Relationship Tips one, so I think, maybe my tips ARE useful for people out there. That’s why I decided to write another. Hehe

This one is coming from my own experience, not from someone’s else story. This is a lesson I got from having so-called bad time in my relationship. It was a time when trust is being questioned and truths are being veiled.

You know, when you and your SO are having good time and balanced relationship, there’s always people who wants to shatter it. There are always third parties who can’t stand your happiness, because they’re nurturing envy in their heart.  Watch out, because those people are sometime people whom you’re considering as good friends or family.

I don’t suggest that you should keep ill thoughts about people around you all the time, but you need to be careful and keep a little doubt in your heart so that you’ll see things more objectively. Trust me, I learned this the hard way.

So, what I am gonna say is, girls, boys, Read more